Corny Colonel
by Broken Headphones
Summary: Roy has something special planned for Edward, but the poor alchemist has no clue what it is, or why this certain day is so special to the Colonel. RoyEd,extreme fluff.


**This was written for a contest on DeviantArt, and also because I felt bad for the recent Roy-bashing...**

Roy watched as the small, thin blond walked into the room with wide strides, hips swaying back and forth. A small lock of the precious gold slipped from behind his ear, and Roy wanted to reach out and push it back into place. However, the younger Elric walked in sheepishly behind him, clanking as he tried to move in quickly.

"Good evening, Colonel," Alphonse greeted, bowing politely. "You said you wanted to see us?"

Roy smirked and placed the folder in his hands back onto the table. He stood from his seat and saluted to the brothers. Both returned the gesture, Edward begrudgingly.

"Alphonse, you're dismissed," he said, rounding his desk and placing a hand on Edward's shoulder. The older Elric glared up at him. "My business is with your brother."

Alphonse looked between the two and finally set his sights on his brother. He said, "Brother, did you do something stupid again?"

"No!" Edward glared at the Colonel after his half-second tantrum. A slight blush came to his cheeks when Roy winked at him. Alphonse didn't notice the sultry gesture, but agreed to leave. Soon after, Edward turned around and hopped onto Roy's desk, wrinkling papers that had been signed and were ready for Riza to take to the damn Fuhrer. Roy frowned and placed his hands on his hips.

"Why do you feel the need to make my life miserable?" Roy asked, brow twitching. Edward shot him a smirk.

"Because you cause me just as much mental trauma," he retorted.

Roy smirked and walked in front of Edward, leaning closer to him and placing his hands palms-down on the desk. He locked eyes with Edward, knowing just how hypnotizing he could be to the young alchemist. Those golden orbs were looking at the dim relfection of their owner in the cool pools of nondescript blackness.

"You're so cute," Roy said. He litfed two fingers and lifted Edward's bangs, pressing them to his lips. Edward's cheeks darkened. Roy leaned in and took Edward's lips in a kiss. The younger alchemist wrapped his arms around Roy's neck, one hand pushing him into the kiss from the back of his head.

"You know what today is?" Roy asked when they separated. Edward blinked a few times and then tilted his head to the side. The Colonel gave him a strict look. "You forgot?"

"Should I have remembered?" Edward asked.

Roy growled and hung his head.

"Damn it, Edward." He pulled away. "And to think, I had prepared something for you..." Edward straightened his head and leaned back on the desk, using his hands to hold himself up.

" 'Prepared something for me?'" Edward asked. "What did you do?"

"You promise not to laugh?" Roy looked up at him, a dark blush tinting his cheeks. Edward grinned.

"I can't make any promises."

Roy gave Edward a look before holding out his hand. Edward looked down and back up to the Colonel's face. The man smiled, reaching out his hand. Edward hesitated just slightly before taking his hand and jumping off the desk. Roy growled when a few pieces of paper fell onto the floor.

"Remind me to clear my desk next time you report back." He wrapped his warm fingers around Edward's cold auto-mail hand and pulled him gently towards the exit of the office. As Roy opened the door, both men released their hands, and Roy waited for Edward to walk out of the office first before he closed the door behind himself.

"Ah, wait a minute!" Edward stopped. So did Roy. "What about Al? If he sees me leaving, he'll get worried or anxious."

Roy pushed him along gently.

"No need to worry about your brother. I had Riza distract him." Roy smirked. "She gladly agreed when I told her that I wanted to do something special for today." Roy, to help refrain himself from pulling Edward into a mind-blowing kiss, shoved his hands into his coat pockets. He could feel Edward's confused stare on him as the two passed subordinates in the hallway.

"Why is today so special to you anyways?" Edward frowned. "You won't tell me a thing, and it's pissing me off!"

"Calm down, Fullmetal." Roy placed a hand on the boy's head. Edward growled to show his disapproval of having a heavy hand pressing on his head to make himself smaller.

"Fine, I'll see if I can remember."

((In Roy's car))

"It's my birthday?"

"No."

"It's _your_ birthday?"

"_No_."

"It's your cat's birthday?"

"I don't have a cat, Edward, and no!"

((Roy's Home))

Edward stepped out of the vehicle and started toward's the front door when Roy rushed to his side and stopped him.

"Wait! Before you go inside..." Roy reached into his pocket and pulled out a small sliver of black cloth. Edward stared at him. "I can't have you seeing anything just yet."

Edward gave him an incredulous look.

"You...have got to be kidding me," he said. Roy sighed.

"Please, Ed? Just do this."

"..." Edward crossed his arms. "Fine." He stood still as Roy tied the blindfold over his eyes and tightened it.

"Can you see?"

"Not a damn thing."

"Good."

Roy took Edward's hand and pulled him forward. Walking with a black cloth over your eyes at night would probably make any normal person hesitant and questioning, but this was Edward Elric here. He would barely move unless Roy yanked his arm out of its socket and used it as a leash. He literally had to drag the alchemist up to his doorstep. Once they were safely in front of Roy's door, the man turned the doorknob and opened the door.

Edward, despite his handicap, was the first one into the house.

"Can I please take this stupid thing off my eyes?" he asked. Roy grabbed his hands and bent down and kissed him. Edward pulled away, frowning. "I'm not kissing you until you tell me what you're doing with me. Wait, is this some sick S&M shit you're trying to pull!"

"Grow a few brain cells, Edward!" Roy snapped. "I'm not into that anyways."

Edward sniggered as he allowed himself to be led through the house. He managed to run into two different walls, cursed Roy to the deepest pits of hell, and argued with Roy until something distracted him.

"I smell food."

Roy snorted.

"Why is it that I'm actually surprised that you notice the food first?"

"So there _is_ food?" Edward asked, mouth watering.

"Yes, Ed, there's food. Sheesh." Roy sighed heavily.

He finally managed to lead Edward to the room that held his surprise and had to stop him yet again from ripping the cloth off. He bent down so that he was Edward's height.

"You promise not to laugh at me?" Roy asked. He could tell Edward was rolling his eyes simply based on the way he rolled his head.

"I won't laugh," he said. "Now show me what the hell you spent your time doing! I'm hungry!"

Roy went behind him and undid the knot of the blindfold, stomach churning from nervousness as Edward opened his eyes, blinked, and stared at the room in front of him. There was no giggling, no grin. His mouth was opened in an O as he stared in surprise.

The room was almost entirely dark, and the only light in the room was coming from the candles that were placed around the room. In the middle of the floor, two empty wine glasses sat next to each other, and two plates of pasta that smelled delicious were just waiting to be eaten. Near the set-up was a bottle of red wine, unopen. The scene looked like it had jumped out of a romance novel and thrown up on the floor.

"Wow," Edward breathed. "That's...really cute of you."

"Don't laugh!" Roy snapped when Edward's shoulders shook. He could see a pink flush in the candlelight.

"But it's so cute, Roy. I didn't think you'd do something so...so...cliché." He turned towards Roy and placed a kiss on his lips. "So...what is this for again?"

"Damn it, Edward!" Roy tackled him to the ground, nearly ruining the meal he spent so long preparing. "Don't you remember?"

"What?" Roy growled and leaned his forehead against Edward's.

"Today marks an entire year that we've been together," Roy explained, making sure his eyes caught Edward's. "I guess you could say it's our one-year anniversary, if you wanted to be sappy."

Edward chuckled and kissed Roy.

"I love you, Roy Mustang," he said, "even if you are a sap."

"I'm not a sap."

"Yes you are."

"If I'm a sap, you're short."

"I'm not short!"


End file.
